Arguments are usually produced by the tendency to try to convince the other person to see things from our point of view. Effective communication remains one of the most powerful ways for couples to resolve and grow in a relationship. The questioning and rethinking part of any relationship of human beings brings about the concept of arguments. It is the part of furthering good communication values. How one starts or responds to any argument says a lot about that person.
Fighting is a natural part of any relationship. How two people handle arguments with one another is a big indicator of how well they will be able to tolerate life together. It is important that every couple have, and resolve at least one big disagreement before they get married. I say this because people can be cruel when they are mad. The interesting thing is that when people are arguing with each other, they are mostly always blaming each other for things that do not seem to be very important. It is very hard for the average human being to argue long with someone he has a good relationship with or care so much about. But if the relationship is not so good, if there is something to hold against your partner, then it becomes easier to rationalize your points as expected behaviour during an argument.
Marital and relationship conflicts are a natural part of any committed relationship. A healthy argument makes for a healthy relationship. But there are two sides to a coin here and we need to make a distinction between a “healthy argument” and an “unhealthy argument” since not all conflicts is alike and not all are good for your relationship. A healthy conflict is that which clears the air and brings important issues out into the open. It gives direction to any changes that may be needed in the relationship. A healthy argument also informs you about what is important to your partner. It informs you about what isn’t working for your partner in the relationship. And finally, it definitely will not deteriorate into name-calling and hostilities, even when emotions run high.
An unhealthy conflict on the other hand causes a breakdown in communication because no one will be listening with the goal of trying to understand the other. It doesn’t lead to any awareness or insight into each other’s needs or perspectives and is primarily repetitive, and at times may consist of hostile verbal attacks with the aim of hurting the other. It causes emotional wounding and defensiveness and at best, only maintains the status quo of the relationship and while preventing growth.
For many of us the reality is that we will have both healthy and unhealthy arguments during the life of our relationship, so don’t panic if you see yourself or your relationship while reading the unhealthy conflict list. The truth is that disagreeing with your partner can sometimes lead to a better communication. In any argument, we always believe that we are the one who is correct. Therefore, we don’t listen to the other person’s arguments, and we enter into a struggle. If one does listen, it is only to try to outdo the other person’s reasoning because our own is much stronger, more justifiable and certainly more factual. But in doing this, we also hear a little of what our partner is saying when we calm down a little because though sometimes our impulses don’t allow us to think clearly at the moment we are arguing, most of us after the moment has passed would sit down to ask ourselves if what we are arguing about is really worth arguing about.
In conclusion, it will not be farfetched to say that having arguments is a natural and normal part of all relationships. No couple agrees on everything or gets along with one another 100% of the time. Conflict is natural and likely in marriages or relationships because married couples and people generally in romantic relationships are closer than anyone else and they deal with more things together than anyone else. This closeness and sharing of experiences through healthy arguments makes relationships worth having and the experiences gained truly worthwhile.
THE FEMALE PART
Arguments in relationships are normal, a daily occurrence and a logical consequence of our fortunately remaining distinct individuality even after having joined someone else to form a unit, the “couple”. Although one can somewhat reduce the potential for arguments when preferences and antipathies, life’s objectives and perceptions more or less coincide, there are still sufficient occasions left over for providing a cause for arguments. And that does not have to threaten the relationship just as long as one observes a few rules.
Many people do believe that happy couples don’t argue or at least less frequently than unhappy couples. Sometimes sparks also fly with happy couples. The difference lies in the ratio of positive and negative behavior to one another Positive signals can be manifestations of affection, interest, pleasure or affirmative signals. This naturally also includes all nonverbal expressions as for instance when your partner during an argument affectionately puts his/her hand on your arm, smiles at you or if you nod expressing your agreement with something that has been said. While negative signals can be anger, whining, domination deportment, needling, taunting, withdrawal behavior, defensiveness or taking offense.
The key to less arguing is more communicating how you feel about various issues. Don’t be afraid to bring them up don’t wait till all hell breaks loose to come out with guns blazing. It is not fair to either of you always if you have to argue keep it clean. You are only allowed to talk about what is bothering you in that moment. Don’t rehash old fights it takes away from the matter at hand. If you cannot keep it clean then keep silent until cooler heads prevail. You have to be willing to listen in a way that you are receptive to what your mate is saying.
Arguing is necessary for any relationship. Unfortunately we’re programmed to consider arguing as a win-lose situation. And sometimes both partners want to win at the expense of the relationship. If you think of arguments as ways to resolve conflict, you’ll approach them differently.
Find the core. If you find yourself crying after an argument, it’s probably because you’ve surrendered your point of view (implying that you were wrong) or are upset from the stress of fighting. Always remember that your point of view is valid and should be respected and that the argument is not the sum total of the event.
Pay attention instead to what’s at the core of the conflict. If you argue about whose turn is it to attend your children’s PTA meeting or something important, you really may be saying, “Why aren’t you meeting the expectation I have of you?” Your partner or spouse may be arguing because he may be thinking, “Why do you always attack me?” Similarly, arguments about money aren’t always a criticism of your recent purchase; they may be about fear of losing a job, increased personal debt, or decreased savings. Try these tips. To transform your arguments into creative conflicts, respect your differences but know they can be reconciled; take time out if you get angry but come back with solutions, and tell your partner that you love him or her.
When two people are in a relationship), there may come a time when they argue. Arguments are actually a sign that you both want the best out of your friendship. If you never disagree, it can mean that one of you is just giving in repeatedly, which will damage the relationship over time. People are unique and sometimes they don’t see eye-to-eye on things.
Arguing is actually a natural part of developing a strong bond with spouse. The closer you become, the more you get to know each other on a deeper level and the more likely you will disagree.
There might be a time when your spouse treats you badly and as a result you want to retaliate. But before you speak words you’ll regret later, take a deep breath and think through what you want to communicate. When you are ready to talk to your spouse, focus on the issue at hand and avoid sweeping statements like “you always” or “you never”.
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I THINK SO.............
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